i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
