I could make wine with my vomit
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
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