Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Randomize
