Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Randomize
