I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
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