He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
The Olympian is in my bed
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Randomize
