by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize