I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Randomize
