the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Randomize
