We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
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