i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
