Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Randomize
