why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
