are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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