Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
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