Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize