She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
