Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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