she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Randomize
