Midget sex pt 2 tonight
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Randomize
