i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
