I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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