just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
