I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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