Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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