Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
