Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Enjoy the penises
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
