watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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