He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
