why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
