dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
