omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
