i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Randomize
