Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
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