Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Randomize
