mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize