Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Randomize
