worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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