I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
