I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Randomize
