don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
