We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
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