I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
you win again, gameday.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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