Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
