before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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