Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
