I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
