why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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