I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
