I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Randomize
