Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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