i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
