Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
