I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Randomize
