I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
