What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
