put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
