I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I have so many feelings about this burrito
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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