I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
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