Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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