I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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