some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
