I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
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