I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
