Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
