She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
