i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
