it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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