Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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