epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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