I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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