Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Your cock deserves a montage
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Randomize
