i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Randomize
