I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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